Sometimes I feel like I’m just living my life one awkward moment to the next. I call myself awkward on the daily, and even though there is some opposition from a couple of my co-workers, the overall consensus is that I’m a pretty awkward person. I try not to be. Sometimes I try to put up a front like I’m brave or something, but there’s a reason that I’m not an actress – I suck at pretending. That’s also the reason why I could never be good at poker. No poker face here.
Anyway, I feel like awkward situations shouldn’t just be bottled up inside for me to laugh at by myself. They need to be shared with the world. #amiright? Here are some moments in my life that are just plain…
The One With the Wrong Party
One time, I was going to a surprise party for one of my co-workers. I was following the GPS jamming to Spotify and then I saw this house with a bunch of cars, and I thought “This has to be the house.” And I was all…
So I park my car, and walk to the door and just walk into the house like I own the place. Everyone looks at me, and I look at everyone and I realize that I don’t recognize anyone. I asked “Am I at the right party?” Valid question. Someone answered, “I don’t know.” So I asked, “Who is this party for?” They named this couple that I didn’t know, and I just said “Nope,” and practically ran back to my car with their laughter erupting behind me. Mortified.
The One With the Wal-Mart
One time, my friend, Tra, and I were at Wal-Mart. I was going to pick up some pictures, but they were renovating the place, so everything was moved around, and we couldn’t find the photo center. We saw this lady wearing a navy polo and khaki pants, the usual attire for the Wal-Mart employees, and I walked up to her and asked all sweetly, “Excuse me, ma’am, can you tell me where the photo center is?” She looked at me and said, “I don’t work here” and walked away.
The One With the Wet Butt
When I was younger, my brother used to play every sport, and by every sport, I mean the four main ones – football, baseball, soccer and basketball. During one baseball game, I was playing in this big sewer area with some kids. I distinctly remember one of the kids saying not to fall. They eventually left me, and I was playing in the sewer by myself, and what do I do? I fall. No one was around though, so I was in the clear. I saunter back to the game with my wet butt, and I sit down on the concrete. I notice my butt makes a wet mark, so I move over next to the wet mark, thinking this will dry my butt faster. I continue doing this until I leave a line of about 10 butt prints. My butt did not dry any faster, and I got a lot of weird looks from parents.
The One With the Empty Conversation
When my sister and I went to Austin last summer, we went to this coffee shop called Summer Moon. It looked pretty sketch from the outside, and we weren’t sure where the door was. There was this man outside ordering his coffee and standing with his dog, so I thought “Maybe you order outside before you go inside.” I don’t know. We were in Texas. Texans do things differently. We walk up to this guy and I just start petting his dog. The guy just kind of looks at me, and I’m like, “Is this where we order?” and he said something about how we actually go inside to order, and he’s just standing out here to order because he has his dog. Between the lines, he said something along the lines of “Duh you go inside to order your coffee, you idiots. Get away from my dog.” Sorry, man.
The One With the Ripped Pants
While I was leaving one my brother’s football games, I decided it would be a good idea to jump over the fence. I was wearing these little green cotton shorts. One of my fave pairs. Right as I was about to hop over, my pants got stuck. I was left hanging on the fence by my shorts as they ripped slowly. We went to Burger King afterward. That was the thing to do. All of the other kids were playing in the jungle gym, but I couldn’t because my underwear was indecently exposed.
Yea, I’m awkward.