I’ve been an emotional wreck this week. Between being completely overwhelmed at work and a few things going on in my personal life, tears have been shed more often than I’d like to admit, and sadly, not just by myself. (Shout-out to my friends and roommates that gave me hugs and let me talk through my tears. Y’all are the real MVPs.) To be honest, I’m a pretty emotional person. I’ve mentioned before that when I feel any kind of emotion, I feel it with my whole heart. This week was full of frustrations, stress, sadness and also a bit of rejection.
I have a love/hate relationship with rejection. I’ve had a fear of rejection my entire life. I’m an awkward middle child, and I feel like I’ve spent a lot of time trying to compensate for not being the first or the baby. As a writer, I’ve been turned down by brands I’ve wanted to work with and campaigns that I was really passionate about. When I was applying for jobs, I was turned down by companies that I thought I saw a future with. As someone who has a love of people, I’ve been rejected by others in romantic situations and otherwise.
The truth is, when it happens, rejection sucks. My method of coping goes a little something like this:
1) Lots of crying
2) Listening to sad and pathetic music while crying
3) Finding a minimum of two people to listen to me and not judge me while I cry
4) Convincing myself that I’m actually fine
5) Watching sad movies that make me cry more
6) Spend way too much time alone wallowing
7) Etc. Etc. Etc.
Like I said, I’m pretty emotional. I’ve never viewed emotion as a bad thing though. I always feel better after a good cry and encourage others to just let the tears flow.
Last year, I shared my story about my break-up with someone that everyone, myself included, thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Further down the road, I wrote about my frustrations with modern dating (and honestly, I feel like I could do a part two). June will mark a full year of me being on the dating scene, and to be honest, it sucks a lot. It sucks to finally be ready and willing to open yourself up to someone and to not get the results you want, but at the same time, it’s actually kind of great because you get the opportunity to realize so much about yourself. And as my roommate told me (as I was bawling my eyes out while eating the homemade banana bread my other roommate baked), why would you want to fight to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?
Sometimes all you need is some homemade banana bread and a good cry with your roomies to get through life’s little hiccups #grateful ❤
— Tiffany Khyla (@tiffanykhyla) May 12, 2016
My initial reaction with rejection is always negative, and I know I’m not alone in saying that. The immediate pain associated with rejection is hard, and being faced with a harsh reality sucks. It isn’t easy to see the light at the end of the tunnel and the good things that will come out of the situation.
In a way, rejection is a sign of strength. It means that you were brave enough to put yourself out there. I know so many people who hide behind false realities and spend too much time wondering about ‘what ifs.’ Myself included. When you think about it, doesn’t it suck to waste time wondering? If you build yourself up about a potential job, client, relationship, etc. over a period of time, it will make that rejection that much harder. Being brave enough to truly lay everything out on the line and say “Hey, this is what I have to offer. This is how I feel. Take it or leave it.” is so much braver than sitting back and doing nothing.
There is always positive growth from rejection. I can’t think of a time that I was rejected where it just completely broke me. The initial blow sucks, but when you have enough strength to move past it, you always come out better on the other side. You learn things about yourself that you may not have otherwise, and overall, you just become a stronger person.
Being rejected also allows you to open yourself up to opportunities. Personally, I know I always need time to reflect. No matter the situation or kind of rejection I experienced, stepping away from it and focusing on myself always helps me to cope. By taking that time to learn more about myself, I find and sometimes even create opportunities that I may not have otherwise. When I get past the initial feeling of sadness (and admittedly a bit of self pity), I challenge myself to step out of the situation better than when I came in.
I’ve faced so much rejection in my life, and I know this isn’t the end of it. Even though it’s initially not the best feeling in the world, when you come to the realization that it was the best thing that could’ve happened, that is the best feeling in the world.
I also wouldn’t be me if I didn’t include the songs I’ve had on repeat this week to help me cope with all of these feelings. Not all of these songs are necessarily relevant to my situation, but they’ve been making me feel so much better:
HIDE AWAY – DAYA
Relevant lyrics: “Girls seems to like the boys who don’t appreciate, all the money and the time that it takes, to be fly as a mother. Got both my eyes out for Mr. Right. Guessing I just don’t know where to find ’em, but I hope they all come out tonight.”
NEW ROMANTICS – TAYLOR SWIFT
Honestly, most of Taylor Swift’s songs should be on this list, but I told myself to calm down.
Relevant lyrics: Please take my hand, and please take me dancing, and please leave me stranded. It’s so romantic. Cause baby I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me. And everyday is like a battle, but every night with us is like a dream.
Trying to remember how I coped with any of my emotions before @taylorswift13… ????????
— Tiffany Khyla (@tiffanykhyla) May 12, 2016
Relevant lyrics: “I’m the cover girl for unavailable. Men want me at 2 am, and I’ll come right over, quick turnover then on to the next. I don’t know why I do it, but I sure know how to do it…Word gets around that I get around. Yea, I’ll get around. I’m livin’ it down. It ain’t easy being easy. Hang the clothes on the floor till you don’t need me. You get what you put out.”
DREAMING WITH A BROKEN HEART – JOHN MAYER
Relevant lyrics: “When you’re dreaming with a broken heart, and waking up is the hardest part. You roll out of bed and down on your knees, and for a moment you can hardly breathe.”
SAVE MY SOUL – JOJO
Relevant lyrics: “You got what you wanted, didn’t you? Don’t know where your heart is, but mine’s bruised. You know when you started that I’d lose.”
SOMEWHERE ON A BEACH – DIERKS BENTLEY
Relevant lyrics: “I’m somewhere on a beach, sipping something strong. Got a new girl. She’s got it going on. We drink all day, and party all night. I’m way too gone to have you on my mind.”
I also have a whole playlist for situations like this:
How do you cope with rejection?