I have this problem with comfort. When things are going right, and you have an awesome day, and you feel like you’re on top of the world. Then something comes along that puts a little dent in your happiness, and you think, “That’s okay. I can deal with this.” Then something else comes along and then something else until you start to forget about all of the things that were making you happy in the first place.
I’ve been so guilty of this these past couple of weeks. I’ve had some incredible days with people I adore so much, but some of those days and moments get unintentionally overshadowed by the darkness of the bad things that have been happening.
Last week, I got into a car accident. I wasn’t at fault, and no one was hurt, thankfully. I had about a million thoughts going through my head when it happened:
“That car is pulling out of the parking lot, and it’s going to hit me.”
“I’m spinning into oncoming traffic. I hope no one else hits me.”
“This is my third car accident.”
“How am I going to get to my second job?”
“Who am I supposed to call right now?”
“How am I going to get to Austin this weekend?”
“I don’t have time to not have a car.”
That’s just the tip of the iceberg. After getting a rental car, I started to feel a false sense of security knowing that I’d have the rental for 30 days. That’s until yesterday when I got the news that my car was totaled, and I’d only have the car for another week. My anxiety kicked into high gear, and I started to worry about even the most trivial of things. It’s been a stressful process, but I’m working on seeing some of the good out of the situation.
I think the best thing that’s happened are the reactions of those around me. In times of sadness and tragedy, you really start to see the true colors of the people in your life. It’s crazy how some of the people who I thought cared about me a lot barely reacted to the situation, and there are some people who I thought would be indifferent who ended up stepping up and really reaching out to me multiple times to offer help. When bad things happen, people start to show their true colors, and in light of the situation, I’ve been able to draw a distinct line separating the people who are worth my time and those who aren’t.
I’ve always struggled with caring too much about people. I recently learned that I have a sanguine complex temperament when it comes to inclusion and affection, which means that I have a need to, not only be around people as often as possible, but to also be loved and accepted by them. If I feel like that isn’t the case, I can go to extremes to make it so, which can be toxic, but I only do it for those who I love. Even though my accident came at an unfortunate time, in a way, it came at the perfect time. I’ve already shared a little bit about my journey to find happiness, and part of that journey is learning what ties I need to cut and who in my life I can actually count on and call a friend.
Ever since I started my self-discovery journey a few months ago, I’ve had moments of true elation and also some extremely horrible lows, and while this is just another bump in the road as a lost millennial, I’m relearning how to look on the positive side of not so great situations and taking the people who I love (and those who love me back) on the journey with me.
And here’s a cheesy country song that pretty much says it all:
What’s something awesome that’s happened to you recently?